i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
