So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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