i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
