Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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