I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
