my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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