I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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