I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
