I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
