my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
