it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
