and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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