You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
