Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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