how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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