Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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