She's JV to your varsity
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
