That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
