Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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