so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
