Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
