I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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