dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
