can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
