I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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