She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
