at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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