those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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