Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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