He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
