Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
