I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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