I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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