my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
