Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
