Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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