listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
