I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
