I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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