I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
