please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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