I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
