just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
