Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
