Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
