she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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