we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
