After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
