He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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