first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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