Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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