He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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