I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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