is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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