so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
