So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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